Okay, let’s talk facial hair. Not my facial hair of course, though there would be plenty to talk about. I mean, what is with all these little upper lip hairs (I will NOT call them a mustache!) and weird chin hairs? What’s up with that? One of my recurring fears is that I would be just chatting away having a good hair day and make up just right and everything matched and fitting and all the other person could see would be this black hair right in the middle of my chin. I personally think that allowing your wife to go out with an errant facial hair that is visible to the naked, non-magnified eye should be grounds for divorce.
Oh, and don’t get me started on women who shave and walk around with a stubble! Oy! If you are going to shave, shave every single day. Stubble is barely sexy on a man and is so not sexy on a woman. Invest in a good magnifying mirror and a good pair of tweezers. Pluck as you notice. Simple. Of course some people (meaning me) tend to feel these hateful little hairs when they are no where near a mirror or tweezers and then have to keep reminding themselves to look and pluck as soon as they get home. But by then the hair has grown enough and and is soft enough it is invisible. Until you get in the car and check the mirror for lipstick on your teeth, and then, THERE IT IS.
You would think that white hairs would not show as much. Oh you silly person, they positively sparkle in the sun light! And white eyebrow hairs. They are the worst. They won’t lay down like a good eyebrow hair, no,they have to stick straight up. And you can’t pluck out the one white hair, oh no. They are sneaky so instead of plucking the one white eyebrow hair sticking straight up in the middle of your eyebrow, you end up plucking three or four. Just enough to make a funny place in your otherwise nice eyebrow. So you have to even it out, which means you have to even out the other eyebrow and there you are. Bette Davis eyes.
But that is not what I want to discuss today. Now I am a facial hair loving kind of girl. My daddy had a beautiful beard. And I do love me a good mustache. Is there any man much sexier than Sam Elliot or Tom Selleck. Let’s just visualize facial hair for a moment, Burt Reynolds, Clark Gable, Billy Dee Williams, George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, John Legend, Hugh Jackman, Kris Kristofferson. Siiigggghhhhh. My beautiful husband, siiiggghhhh. But the abomination I’m thinking of is the disgusting trend of braided chin hair on men. Who ever decided that would be a thing? I can’t imagine it being anyone sane. Some lunatic must have been sitting around in the asylum playing with his beard (since they are not allowed razors you know) and got it all tangled up.
Years ago I saw David Allen Coe, and he was the most disgusting thing I’ve seen on a concert stage. He looked to be somewhere around 110 years old, humped over, bare chested with a suede looking vest with fringe and skin tight leather pants. Did I mention he looked to be 110 years old? He had long, nasty stringy blonde hair down past his shoulder but the worst was the twin braids with beads hanging from his chin. All together now, EWWWWWWWW GROOOSSSSSS. My eyes actually hurt.
That was bad enough, though I could chalk it up to way too many drugs and it just being his stage persona. But, lately there have been all sorts of men coming into Lowe’s with chin beards. The first I saw looked to be washed up jockey. He might have come up to my chin. I think he was going for the cowboy look with his jeans, plaid shirt and jean jacket. His hair was not that long and he was shaved but for a goatee. Which would not have been that bad if not for his chin, which had a braid. Granted it was a neat braid, but still, it was a chin braid. He was at least as old as me, so it was not some hipster fashion statement.
Next I saw a youngish plump guy. And this was really bizarre. He was dressed in kahki pants, t-shirt and had a crew cut type hair cut. Also beautiful clear blue eyes and rosy cheeks. But his beard, oh my. A beautiful lush full brown beard with multiple braids hanging down. He jiggled when he walked and the braids just bounced around like they were skinny snakes all tangled up on his face. I stared. Everyone stared. What was he thinking? Doesn’t he have someone who loves him to tell him no, you can’t go out like that?
Since then there have been young guys with the cute man buns and not so cute chin braids. An old man who was bald on top with a very skinny pony tail and an equally skinny chin pony tail with multiple rubber bands. There was even one with what I swear was a French braid chin braid. Wildest thing you can imagine. Picture two French braids that meet at the middle then blend into a single braid. But instead of going from front to the back of a woman’s head, it was on a man’s face. Again I stared.
The biggest crime against nature was last week and I’m still not sure I am over it. A very pleasant looking (I guess, I was to busy staring, but at least he appeared clean and neat) young black man. And he had, oh, my gosh, I’m not sure I can say this without freaking again, a chin dreadlock! Yes. On his face, hanging to about mid-chest, was a chin dreadlock. What in the name of all that is good and right with the world made someone do that? He was clean shaven except for a little round spot on his chin with a dreadlock! Down to the middle of his chest. Yes, you read that right, a dreadlock.
I don’t think I have quite recovered from that. So, the question is, are these things limited to Hattiesburg, Mississippi or have they spread. Is it something in the water here that makes men go insane? Is this a form of self protection to keep women away as I just can’t (or refuse to) imagine any woman finding that attractive in the least. What is the strangest thing you have seen a man do in the way of “grooming” lately? And I guess the question must also be asked, do you find it attractive?